My Mother Died From Breast Cancer...

 My mother died from breast cancer. I know Breast Cancer Awareness month is almost over and to be honest, I had no urge to participate in a marathon in her honor or speak on how important it is to get tested the whole entire month. Maybe because she died and I am still mad over it? Maybe because every time I see someone who has posted a "Breast Cancer" survival story I get a little jealous? I don't know the reason, I just know I am not ready to be down with the "October Pink Movement" just yet.

It's been two years since my mother has passed and most of the time I don't think about it. I function best in denial and being in Los Angeles helps a lot. Whenever I go home to Connecticut however I don't have the ability to live in denial. I didn't realize the pattern at first but whenever I go back to Connecticut to visit the rest of my family the first day I am always so exhausted. All I do is sleep the entire day. My sister still has some of my mother's old furniture in her house and it was never that comfortable to me in the past but I find myself now making my mother's old couch my living space when I get to her house. I ball myself up on it and just sleep the day away. I guess it's my way of trying to imitate a young child who lays on her mother's lap.

It's been two years and one thing that is still hard for me is to look at pictures of my mom during the last few years of her life. I can look at photos of us when I am a child but anything when she is older is still hard. For a long time I wasn't able to hang any pictures up of her in my place. I tried once I moved to LA. I will never forget, one of the most beautiful pictures ever taken of my mother, by my father, I have in my possession. I decided that it has been 2 years and I was now ready to hang the picture up. I placed it on my computer desk so I would be forced to look at it everyday and within a minute I began to cry so hard. I couldn't function at all. How the hell can anyone function when you realize all over again that your favorite person in the world has died?

At my sister's house in Connecticut she has A LOT of pictures of my mother hanging up. Not only that, during the last month of my mother's life she was on bed rest at my sister's house. So I am guessing a combination of all those things makes my spirit weak once I get to Connecticut.

If death wasn't something that is promised to all of us I would truly still be mad at GOD for letting my mother die. I mean, this was not a part of the plan! I still haven't gotten married or had my first baby yet. I never imagined experiencing life without her. She was only 61 years old. It wasn't fair! But GOD was so gracious in her departure. I slept with her in the hospital for the last 2 days she was alive. We watched "Dancing With The Stars" and I jokingly tweeted that I would be on the show one day and I will win. I tried to make the best of the situation but her pain was unbearable and I hated to watch her suffer. I knew she was enduring it all for my sisters and I. I knew I couldn't be selfish anymore. I told her it was okay, I know she had to go but I assured her that not even death would keep us apart and that we would be connected forever.

She died on March 28th 2012 at 9:19pm. She waited until my oldest sister who was driving from Atlanta to CT made it to the hospital. She died five minutes after she got there. She waited for her.

All three of her daughters were by her side when she took her last breath. It was the most amazing and devastating thing to watch. My life changed forever in that moment. A part of me was happy that the pain was finally over for her but then there was that selfish part of me that was mad she had to go. I wasn't ready.

It's been two years. I guess you can say I have made progress. The first year I was sucidical for the first month. I remember I cried EVERY day. The pain was unbearable. I didn't want to live. But I watched my mother fight for her life with all she had so there was no way I could take my own life. I decided to live.

Breast Cancer sucks. Cherish the priceless moments with the people who matter most. Get tested. This is my PSA for the month...I hope it inspires someone...

FACE OFF: RENEE ZELLWEGER....NOOOOOO!

RIP to one of my favorite actresses of all time that made the line, "You had me at Hello" famous because I don't know who the hell this new woman is! Renee Zellweger... NOOOOOOOOO!
Why did you change your perfect/imperfect face? Your imperfections are what we loved most about you! You were "Perfectly Imperfect!" God blessed you with a unique look that made you stand out amongst the A-List actresses. Now you blend in with the crowd when before you stood out. To me you are basically pretty, nothing too special about your face anymore. I wish you didn't allow people's opinions to drive you to such drastic measures such as plastic surgery in order to create a new face. In the end, it's your happiness that matters most so I hope you are at peace now and happy with your new face. I am just personally a little sad because you were uniquely beautiful and I wished you could have saw yourself the way many of your fans who love you did.

KENDRA G ON "ACCESS HOLLYWOOD LIVE" NBC!

Last week I made my debut appearance on "Access Hollywood LIVE" with Billy Bush and Kit Hoover on NBC. They were such a joy! More to come! But what made the day even more exciting was I was on with the one and only Sheryl Lee Ralph! Now some of you may know her as Brandy's mother on "Moesha" but I know her as the beautiful brown skin woman who grew up in my hometown, Waterbury, CT! I grew up admiring her as a child because she was my example that I could make it in Hollywood one day.  I was sooooo excited! God is too amazing! She couldn't believe that I was from Waterbury, CT too! This career comes with A LOT of sacrifices. There have been times when I literally can't get out of bed because I am devastated that I didn't get a job I truly wanted BUT GOD is so GOOD! He has this special way of always placing us exactly where we belong at the right time. Plus, I want little girls, especially brown skin girls, growing up in Waterbury, Connecticut to look at me the way I looked at Sheryl Lee Ralph as a little black girl and know that if I can make it SO CAN YOU! Waterbury, Connecticut... Born and Raised! #IPutOnForMyCity ... GLORY BE TO GOD...

TV PERSONALITY/ RADIO HOST KENDRA G'S TV REEL!

Check out Kendra G's TV Reel!

Kendra G on "Just KeKe"

Both brown skin ladies whose names just so happen to begin with a "K", Keke and Kendra G fit well together! "Just Keke" is the newest talk show on BET! Airs weekdays at 5pm on BET! Kendra G stops by once a week to give KeKe all the latest details in the "Celebrity Dish" report! It's always juicy!!!